“Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers / Remember when you’re talkin’ to the Man upstairs /
That just because He doesn’t answer doesn’t mean he don’t care / Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.” – Garth Brooks
In June of 2006, a week before Father’s Day, my Dad shared with us, the news that he was experiencing Renal Failure. He would have to start dialysis. For years, his ‘numbers’ were off, but deep down inside, I never knew exactly what that meant or what it would lead to. That was the saddest Father’s Day, not knowing if it would be the last one I shared with my Dad.
In August, 2006, Dad started his Peritoneal Dialysis treatment. Quickly learning how to manipulate the machines, bags, fluids, tubes, etc., he became a pro at giving himself treatments several times a day in the comfort of his own home. He was such an incredible role model. He learned as much as he could about his condition. He kept track of all his important ‘numbers.’ He jotted down questions, new symptoms and/or concerns he had to follow-up with his doctors. Even though this new challenge in his life was a nuisance to his active life style, he rarely complained. He knew it had to be done in order to survive.
Nurse ‘Peg’ (my Mom) and Dad
Nurse Peg, my Mom, bravely stood by his side, helping in any way she could. It was during that time, I truly learned what ‘unconditional love’ meant. ”For Better. For Worse. For Richer. For Poorer. In Sickness and In Health.” They never lost faith in God. Although they were uncertain of what was to come, they never lost sight of who was in control, and they knew it wasn’t them…. but Him. They continued to go to Mass almost on a daily basis. They asked for prayers and accepted them gratefully.
One of the things Dad missed most while on dialysis was being able to swim. Every month of April, my parents travel to Destin, Florida and stay in a condo on the beach. There, they swim in the Gulf of Mexico and fish off the shore. He also missed swimming in Big Lake in Three Lakes, Wi. at the cottage during the summer months.
Dad’s BIG catch off the beach in Destin, Florida
We knew what Dad needed. As Mom once posted in her blog, “We need a Kidney, not a Kirby.” My brother and I quickly offered ours. My Dad was reluctant to accept a kidney from his own children. He said, “No. You kids are young. You have a lot of life ahead of you. You have your own families and kids who need you. A kidney transplant can be more difficult on the donor than on the recipient. I won’t do that to either one of you.”
Having inherited the ‘stubborn’ gene from both my Mom and Dad, my brother, John and I called the kidney transplant coordinator. We were not going to just sit here and wait for a kidney if we could give him one of ours. We were both tested to see if we were a match for my Dad. Disappointingly, the news came back that neither one of us matched. My Mom was not a match either. I remember receiving the call. I was so heart-broken. How can I not be a match for my Dad? Why? I wanted to help my Dad so desperately. Several of my parent’s friends also offered one of their kidneys, however, due to medical reasons or age, they were not accepted as a ‘match’ for Dad. Now what? The wait on the transplant list was approximated to be around just over 2 years. He was on two different lists. One here in the Milwaukee, Wi. area and the other in Madison, Wi.
There was another option. It was a Kidney Transplant Chain. Becoming more common, it is a transplant that takes place between several people. In our case, because I was not a match for my Dad, I would give one of my kidneys to someone else. Someone in their family will then, in turn give one of their kidney’s to my Dad. Of course, matches have to be made. There are many beautiful stories of groups of generous people creating this ‘chain’ of sorts to donate their own kidneys to save other people’s lives. Sometimes, there can be as many as 6 people going through this type of transplant at the same time. I was ready and willing to take part in hopes that someone matching my Dad would step forward and donate to my Dad. However, my blood type is very common, therefore, the need for one of my kidneys was slim. We still could not give up hope.
At the time, I did not know what I know now about Lyme Disease. After all, I was told by my CDC doctor that I was treated, therefore I no longer had Lyme Disease. I decided to donate blood at our local blood bank. I already had my ‘organ donor’ sticker affixed to my driver’s license. If I couldn’t help my Dad, I would help others. I did not know that I was still infected with Lyme Disease, therefore, donating my blood was only going to infect the recipient of that blood with Lyme Disease. The blood center did not ask any questions about my Lyme Disease. I mentioned that I was treated for Lyme Disease in 2004. They showed no concern and continued the process of taking my blood.
My Dad continued his peritoneal dialysis. Mom and Dad remained positive. It was, after all, in God’s Hands. After two years on a waiting list, he had patiently made his way up to the top. In the Spring of 2009, excitement filled the air as we received news of a possible kidney available to my Dad. Packing up, heading to the hospital and going through all the prep procedures only to be sent home many hours later…..False Alarm. The kidneys were a better match to the other recipients. That happened two times. However, my Dad remained incredibly positive saying, “It’s ok. The other person needed the kidney more than I did.” He was always happy for the recipient, knowing they were getting a new lease on life.
On May 16, 2009 Mom and Dad received another call. They would be heading back to Madison to the hospital. John and I were told to wait a while before we followed, knowing from past experiences this might be another false alarm. Luckily, it wasn’t. On May 17, 2oo9, Dad was the recipient of a kidney from a person who made the conscious decision to become an organ donor. Sadly, someone died that day, but not in vain. That person gave my Dad a new chance at living life to its fullest. We do not know who that generous person was. But I know, deep in my heart, that person is looking down on Dad, very happy to have saved his life. My Dad took everything so seriously. I am so proud of him. This person gave my Dad a new lease on life and Dad wasn’t taking it lightly! He followed all the many detailed directions to keep this kidney healthy and not cause it to be rejected. My Mom, continued to be strong and provide what ever help and support she could. Because of anti rejection medications, my Dad became diabetic. He now gives himself insulin shots thorough out the day. He manages his diet. He had some struggles and complications after the surgery, but his will to survive, his faith in God and the incredible support he received from loving family and friends helped him along.
And so….. here is where the title to this post comes into play. ”Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers…..” I wanted so desperately to help my Dad. I wanted so desperately to give him one of my kidneys. I prayed more than I have every prayed before that I would be a match; if not a match for him, then for someone else so we could take part in a Kidney Transplant Chain and Dad could receive a new kidney. My prayers to give in THAT way were not answered, and now I know why. My body was still full of lyme bacteria. My organs, tissue and blood are full of Lyme. If I would have been a match for my Dad, if I would have gone through the procedure to give him one of my kidneys, I would have been giving him an infected kidney, that most certainly would not have a positive outcome.
It is necessary for the medical community to become more educated about and take Lyme Disease seriously. My local blood center, where I donated blood, was not aware that Lyme Disease can be transmitted through blood transfusions. When I contacted the transplant coordinator hoping to give one of my kidneys, my Lyme Disease was never a concerning ’issue.’ It should have been a HUGE issue since Lyme Disease CAN be transmitted through organ donors. Blood Tests are not indicators for lyme disease. They provide far too many false negatives. Just because a person was ‘treated’ for lyme disease, does not mean they have been cured. A person with Lyme Disease needs to be treated on a clinical basis as well. Symptoms are huge indicators to the infection of lyme bacteria and other co-infections.
Dad, Deb, Mom and Charlie Girl. October 2009. Five months after Dad’s kidney transplant. Raking leaves and stacking wood Up North.
Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers.